Written by: Chelle
Buffy paused outside Angel's door. It had been a few days since they had gotten him out of hell. He had been fairly adamant in the fact that he wanted nothing to do with her. He had been furious. He was changed...Buffy could see it. He hadn't wanted to hear her reasons and when she had chased after him he had grabbed her by the shoulders and screamed that it was all over between them and could never be. But it wasn't over for Buffy..Buffy wanted answers. She knocked softly at first and when there was no answer she turned the knob and walked in.
He was lying on his side..facing her. She was struck by how beautiful he was. His time in Hell had not marred him one bit. She laid the box containing the fresh blood bags on the table. That was her backup excuse..she just wanted to bring him some food. Ever so softly she walked to his bed. The last time she had seen him here..in this bed like this..she'd been with him. She shook her head and went to put the blood in the refrigerator. She had just finished and shut the door when she heard something..
She walked around the corner about to call out that she was there when something connected hard to her thigh. "Ahhhh" she cried and dropped to her knees, clutching her leg. The pain exploded through her in torrents, taking her breath away.
"Buffy!" Angel yelled, throwing the pole he had hit her with across the room. He put his hands under her arms and lifted her to her feet. "I'm sorry."
"So am I." Buffy was still gasping for air.
"What in the hell are you doing here?" He shouted.
"I wanted to talk to you. Ask you some things." She stood up all the way and finally looked at him. He looked annoyed. "And I brought you some blood."
"Whistler takes care of that." Angel looked away from her and down at his bare chest and grabbed a shirt. "You really shouldn't come around, Buffy."
"Well..I need to know a few things. I can't exactly pick up the phone since you changed your number." Buffy groaned out as she took a step and pain shot through her again.
"What were you aiming at my leg for?" Buffy snapped as she sat back in his recliner.
"I didn't know it was you."
"And what were you aiming at ANYONE'S leg for??" She chided.
"Buffy, please." He snapped. "Let me see your leg." She glanced at the mini skirt she was wearing. It was SHORT and even shorter in the sitting position. She'd have to raise it a little higher though..almost lift it completely to show him her leg. "It's fine." she said quickly.
"Dammit." He said angrily and kneeled in front of her. She didn't protest as he slid his hand under the hem and slowly inched it up. The feel of his cold hand on her thigh felt like home to her. He traced over the welt that he had left and whispered. "It's already bruising."
Buffy was breathless again but not from the pain. He had brushed against her panties with his thumb as he examined the area of her thigh and the fire that now burned inside of her was far greater than the pain. He trailed his hand back across the bruise and pressed gently. His cold flesh mingling with her hot flesh made a perfect temperature. She cried out a little..a mixture of sexual frustration and the aching in her leg and glanced at him. "I'll be okay."
"Let me get you some ice for it." He stood up and hurried away.
Her eyes followed him out of the room and she flopped back. Angry that she could think about sex at a time like this..she had come here to get some closure to the things Angelus had said to her and NOT because she wanted him.
In the kitchen, Angel paused and wondered how he would be able to hide the arousal that was evident by glancing at the front of his pants. He quickly buttoned his shirt and let it hang over his pants instead of tucking it in. Damn her, he thought. Damn her for coming here dressed like that...and in her satin panties. He had felt them..and that's what did him in. He remembered sliding them over her hips that night..he remembered...He quickly gathered up the ice pack and eased back into the room.
Buffy jumped a little as he pressed the ice on her leg. She had her eyes closed and was lost in a fantasy of his lips on hers. He smiled a little. "Are you tired?"
She nodded. "I haven't slept much..all summer."
"Join the club." He held the ice on her leg for a second and then handed it to her and walked away. "Hell wasn't exactly the best place to rest."
"Angel, I wish I could fully explain.."
Angel whirled around and yelled, "Shut up! Just sit there and be quiet. You can't explain and the sound of your voice...infuriates me."
She tried to hide the hurt and failed miserably. Biting her lip..and biting back the things she wanted to scream at him, she jumped up and started past him. She was almost to the door when he grabbed her arm and whirled her around to face him. "Why did you come here?" His voice was so loud it boomed.
"I told you..I needed to talk to you." Buffy said the words in a quavering voice.
"And I told you not to come around." His grip was so tight that she thought her bones would snap.
"Angel..you're hurting me." Buffy cried.
"Good!!! Hurt, Buffy! I hate you! I wish I could hurt you like I hurt when I was down there." He shouted.
Buffy gasped. "You just did." She threw his arms off of her and took a few steps back. "You aren't the only one who got hurt, Angel. I went through hell on earth..all of us did. I did what I thought I had to do."
"And it never mattered to you that I loved you?" He whispered.
"Why do you think you weren't dusted? Why do you think I didn't kill you when you killed Jenny!? It DID matter to me. It matters now." She shouted. "You hate me? You hate me because things happened that neither one of us could help!!"
"I told you from the beginning that it would never work!" Angel shouted back. "YOU are the one who wanted it that night and I told you we shouldn't!"
"But we did! And things happened and we can't change it and hating me isn't the answer! It wasn't a mistake to me. I love you!" Buffy began to cry again. "That's the ONE thing that I wouldn't change."
Angel watched her. Her beautiful face was twisted and tears were streaming down her cheeks. He ran his hands through his hair and shook off the urge to take her in his arms and comfort her. "Buffy, this isn't going to work. You aren't going to come here and cry and change anything. It's over between us. Now ask me what you came to ask and then go."
"Never mind." Buffy reached for the doorknob and turned it but Angel leaned against it, shutting it.
"No." He shook his head and looked down at her.
She looked up at him and fresh tears poured from her eyes which she absently brushed away. "What do you want from me? You hurt me. Okay? You hurt me and you made me cry..and I'm going to walk out that door and not bother you again. YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED!! NOW MOVE!"
"I want to know what you came here for."
Buffy slumped against the door and massaged her leg. "I didn't come here for this."
"THEN WHAT!?" he shouted.
"You said things to me!! While you were changed..bad things. And Giles said that Angelus had your memories of being with a soul and the stuff you had done..and you said really mean things..and I wanted to know if it was true."
Angel looked confused. "What things? I told you already that I have hazy memories at best. Willow obviously screwed up part of the curse because I didn't keep all the memories."
"That's probably a blessing." Buffy sniffled and glanced at the floor. "You said that I was bad..."
Angel searched her face but couldn't register what she was saying.
She wouldn't meet his gaze. "Bad?"
"Bad!! Angel, in bed." Buffy glanced at him. "Was I?"
Angel looked furious. "I can't believe you would come here and ask me something like that after I have literally gone through Hell! Leave it to you to be so self centered that THAT is the first thing you want to ask me..not if I'm okay. Not if I need anything after what you did to ME..It's about YOU and your feelings!?"
"Yes, it is!" Buffy shouted back. "This whole thing was always about me and my feelings and how YOU were hell bent on destroying me and MY feelings. AND YOU DID! Damn you, Angel. You KILLED me more and more everyday. You don't remember it all BUT I DO! What you experienced in Hell is probably pretty close to the HELL you put me through and I don't have to take this! You hurt me too, you know!?"
"It wasn't me." Angel said in a low tone. He turned away from her.
"It wasn't me and it WAS you. I never knew you at all."
The air was thick with tension and Angel could hear Buffy's breath catching on her sobs. Part of him wanted to whirl around and lash out at her...but another part...a stronger part wanted to pull her to him and soothe away the tears. He knew that if she kept saying these things..these things that he knew deep down were right..he'd lose the battle and his resolve and wind up with her in his arms..where she belonged. Then she said it..it was almost a whisper.
"I'm gonna go." She said through her tears. "I miss you and I will always love you and I'm just so sorry..." Her last words broke as she turned to open the door and Angel grabbed her from behind.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair, sobbing. "God, Buffy..you smell the same. Your hair.."
She leaned back into his chest and rubbed her head along his jaw. He turned her to face him and ran his fingers along her cheek, brushing away the tears. She didn't meet his gaze, instead she wrapped her arms around him and collapsed, sobbing into his arms. He had never seen her this upset. The only other time she had cried like this was when she had used a sledgehammer to beat the Master's bones. And even then..it wasn't this intense. Her sobs raked through her small frame and forced her to cough and choke. Angel cursed himself for hurting her this way. His hands trailed up and down her back..in an attempt to chase away the shivers that rolled through her. "Don’t, Buffy. It's okay. You'll make yourself sick."
Buffy pulled away from him and shook her head. "I cant do this. I have to go."
“No. I'm not letting you leave like this.” He took her hand and kissed it. “Talk to me.”
“Why?” Buffy cried. “You want to punish me! Don't think I don't know that. You can't tell me you hate me in one breath and then console me like that. You're trying to trick me. You want to make me hurt, Angel and I can't do it anymore.” Buffy knew that if she was going to leave..she better do it now. She wanted to go home and cry like she had done every single night since he had changed. She also hoped that she ran into an army of the undead along the way to wail on. She scooped up her bag and went for the door again.
“Buffy! Look at me.” He waited until she turned to face him. “I don't want to hurt you. I love you...I never stopped.”
Buffy couldn't will herself out the door. His words froze her. It was what she had wanted to hear for months. Her shoulders sagged in defeat and she knew in that moment that if he wanted to trick her and eventually kill her..she’d let him as long as he held her and said these things. She slid her bag off her shoulders and slowly walked back to him. “I love you.” she whispered.
He dried her eyes and cupped her face between his hands. He kissed her forehead and slowly trailed more down her face until he found her mouth. She sighed against him as their tongues mingled and slowly circled each other. His hands found the buttons of her blouse and quickly had it opened to reveal a lacy satin bra. He backed up and looked into her eyes. “Do you want this?”
“Angel..maybe...” She looked at him closely. “What if it takes away your soul again?”
“Whistler looked at the spell. Jenny changed it. You can call him if you want too. Giles confirmed it.” Angel kissed her again. “We don't have to. I just...I want you so much.”
“Me too.” Buffy said and kissed him deeply.
Angel pushed her shirt into the floor and unhooked her bra. She had unbuttoned his shirt and was running her hands along his chest. She leaned into him, took his nipple into her mouth and tugged it gently with her teeth and he tangled his hands in her hair and groaned out. He pulled her head back and began to kiss her deeply again..pushing her back towards the bed the whole time. She felt the mattress behind her and slid onto it...Angel stood up to shed his shirt and then pushed her back. He looked at her..lying there topless with her skirt barely concealing anything and smiled at her. He unbuttoned her skirt and slid it off..raining kisses along her stomach and hips. Her panties were the same lacy satin as her bra and they were wet as he hooked his fingers in the crotch and slid them down.
Buffy felt like she was flying as he lowered his mouth to gently kiss between her legs. All the blood rushed to her head as his tongue flicked back and forth across her and then increased the pace and the motion. He wrapped his hands around her thighs and brought her half off the bed. She cried out from the pain in her leg and the pain between her legs as her first orgasm rocked through her. “Angel!!!” she cried and clutched his head. He worked his way back up and began to kiss her breasts and flick his tongue around the rosy tips that had hardened and swelled from her orgasm. His hand found it's way between her legs and he began to work in and out the whole time he played with her breasts. He could tell she was going to orgasm again and stood up. “Angel..” she moaned. “Don't stop.”
“Shhh.” He said as he unbuttoned his pants and slid the zipper down. “I'm only beginning.”
She looked away from his nakedness..still bashful and not used to seeing it with the light on. The only other time they'd made love..the power went out and only the lightning illuminated them. As if sensing
her discomfort, Angel turned the light off and joined her again. He began kissing at her knees and worked his way back up to her chest. Pausing in all the right spots.
Buffy’s mind raced as she thought about all the things that Angelus had said to her. How he had said she had a lot to learn about men and proved it. She and Willow had watched a porno and joked about it the whole time but later admitted that it was the best schooling in the world. She was on her back and he was busying himself on her breasts when she got the nerve up to push him onto his back and take over. He seemed to tense up as she begin showering kisses along his chest and stomach like he had done her. Her hand found it's way between his legs and she began to stroke him. She heard him growl out and remembered that he changed when he became very aroused and didn't go back to normal until he was finished. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she ran her tongue along his hard shaft and took him into her mouth. She had no idea what she was doing and it scared her to think she would disappoint him.
Angel made a sound in the back of his throat and pulled her away.
“Stop, Buffy. Not yet.”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her...running his tongue around her lips before meeting hers. He pushed her back again and slipped between her legs. She felt his hardness push against her leg as
he lowered his head back to her breasts and gently nipped from one to the other.
“Now, Angel...make love to me.” Buffy nudged her hips forward and gasped as he slowly entered her. Her nails dug into his shoulders as he filled her, making her cry out in pain as her body fought to accommodate his size. It had hurt the first time and this time wasn't much different.
“Buffy?” He paused. “I can stop if you want me too.”
“No.” She whispered and pushed her hips into his. “Please don't stop.”
He slowly began to rock his hips and Buffy soon matched his rhythm as he sped up. She moaned as the pace reached it's peak and wrapped her legs around him..wanting to hang onto what felt so good. He thrust into her, pushing and grinding to the hilt and finally called out her name and collapsed against her. Feeling him pulsing inside of her made her climax again and he wiggled as he felt her. She grunted something inaudible and then cried out not able to contain the ecstasy she felt.
“I love you.” he whispered against her chest.
“I love you so much, Angel.” She still hadn't caught her breath and she envied that he didn't have that problem.
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